A mental health tale from the dark-side

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Photo by Abdiel Ibarra on Unsplash

When I was 25 years old, I went on the road trip from hell — all thanks to my new best friend and her jailbird boyfriend.

At the time of the trip, I had known my BFF Karen* for almost a year. We had bonded deeply and were pretty joined at the hip by the time this merry jaunt into the 9th circle took place.

We clicked despite our wildly different backgrounds. I was five years older than she was and a southerner, while she was from New York and barely 20.

It was a bond born out of trauma.

Meeting My New BFF

I met Karen on a sunny day in Central Florida around the first anniversary of my mother’s sudden death. …


Three techniques this life coach uses to help herself and her clients get off the couch

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Photo by Alora Griffiths on Unsplash

A few years ago, I noticed that the cellulite that had always made a patchwork quilt of my behind had somehow made its insidious way up to my arms. Let’s just say this wasn’t a wonderful discovery. In fact, it was downright jarring.

I have always had a tendency toward cellulite, even when I was less than 100 pounds, even as a teenager, and even with a strict workout regimen. It is my genetic lottery. My luck of the draw. So, I had long ago reconciled myself to cottage cheese thighs — as long as that’s where the cheese stayed.

However, the trouble with getting older is that the things you don’t like become more common, while the things you do like peter on out. As I moved toward menopause, my wasp waist was getting less waspy, while my cheesy thighs were getting more cheesy.


And looked better with one less product

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Photo by Jose Martinez on Unsplash

A few years ago, I started doing fine art self-portrait photography. At the time, I was in my mid-forties, a grad student, and needed a creative outlet. While I loved self-portraiture, let’s just say that looking at my aging skin in unflattering light and raw HD was more than a little ego-deflating.


Let’s talk about dead bedrooms and the male sex deficit

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Photo by Taras Abbat on Unsplash

Let me introduce you to a guy who calls himself Nick. For some of you, his story might sound sadly familiar. Nick is a late-twenties Redditor who writes about his nonexistent sex life with his wife on the popular subreddit “dead bedrooms”.

Nick married young and quickly due to an unexpected pregnancy and has been married for over 4 years. The relationship started out well enough with plenty of sex but that went the way of analog a couple of years ago.

He hasn’t had sex in 10 months or seen his wife nude in over 8 months.

No kissing, no cuddling, no pussy. Nothing. Nada. …


Forget porn moves; here are insights from the largest study ever conducted on women’s sexual preferences

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Photo by mike giovinazzo on Unsplash

What do women want?

Ah, the age-old question that kept Big Daddy Freud tossing and turning at night and has had more than a few regular dudes scratching their heads too.

It’s a big question.

And to make it even more complex, let’s narrow it down even further: What do women want sexually?

Kinsey fellow Debby Herbenick has attempted to answer just that question. She is the lead researcher on the most comprehensive study ever conducted on women’s preferences regarding genital touch. The sex research company OMGyes partnered with her and with Indiana University to develop a website that utilized the responses of 20,000 women. …


Can a good spanking cure your sexual hang-ups?

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Photo by Sonny Ravesteijn on Unsplash

It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure — Marquis de Sade

Ah spring is in the air, and the birds are doing it, the bees are doing it, my neutered house-cat would like to do it (adorable, elevator butt is a dead giveaway) and, thanks to Coronavirus social distancing, I’m…um…writing about doing it.

Well, I have read some interesting books and articles during this slowly-ending quarantine. I’ve been very interested in kink here lately. One of my favorite academics is social psychologist Roy Baumeister. …


Why desire and power intertwine in most women’s sexual fantasies

Rape fantasies and kink in women.
Rape fantasies and kink in women.
Image by M C from Pixabay

“…I imagine I’ve been brought to some warehouse, or place like that, against my will. I’m stripped naked and the only thing I’m allowed to wear is a black silk mask. This is because whatever powerful person has brought me there does not want the men — yes, always more than one in this fantasy — for whom he has procured me, to know who I am. In this way, though he’s brought me there against my will, he somehow wants to protect me too… That’s because they’re so hot with desire for me that they can barely control themselves.” …


How your masturbation style affects your ability to orgasm with a man

Can’t orgasm with a partner only through masturbation.
Can’t orgasm with a partner only through masturbation.
Photo by DAVIDCOHEN on Unsplash

From the time Michelle was very young, she enjoyed masturbation. Though she didn’t know that’s what it was called, or that’s what she was doing.

One of her favorite activities as a little girl was pressing her pelvic area against one of the posts of her canopy bed.

She would wrap her small legs around the bedpost and rub vigorously, tensing and straining every muscle in her body, especially those of her butt and thighs.

And then something amazing would happen: she would get this indescribably sweet sensation in her “private parts” (as she was told to call them) that only lasted a moment but was positively addictive. …


Life lessons my mother unwittingly imparted

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Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way — Tolstoy

In 1989, my mother’s toxic marriage killed her.

No, she wasn’t murdered or anything. Her death was attributed to a lung infection that possibly became septic.

But at the time of her death, her marriage had been going to hell in a hand-basket for years. While infection was the medical cause of death, 12 years of door slamming, cat scaring, verbal grenades and shouting matches certainly played a role. Stress kills.

Her marriage was a disaster from day one.

Literally.

On their wedding night, the troops assembled, aimed their guns — and didn’t stop shooting for almost 13 years. …


Because it’s a natural event, not something to fear or to be ashamed of, and guess what — it’s not all bad

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Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

I loved Shaunta Grimes’s post about her experience with menopause. I’m going through the same thing myself, and I can relate to a lot of what she says.

She compared menopause to the famous shower scene in the movie Carrie where the title character has her first period and doesn’t know what the hell is going on because nobody ever told her about periods.

(If you’ve been living under a rock for the last 40 years and haven’t seen the movie or read the book, Carrie White goes berserk when she sees her puss dripping blood).

Shaunta’s point was that women are often blindsided by menopause. All of a sudden, something is happening to our bodies that we aren’t prepared for. …

About

I am a life coach, sex educator, and fine art photographer. Check me out at https://kayesmithphd.com/

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